08-06-05 Vertical Limit

Seen: June 3rd, 2008
Format: Broadcast, HDNet
Rating: 2
In a previous life I was a climber. A technical rock and ice climber, not the be-suited brown-nosing kind. I wasn't awesome, and I wasn't really an alpine climber, but I was good enough to buy the gear for a local outdoor shop, to put up a few routes, and to meet and climb with some really talented people. Climbing was my identity for a while, and I took it seriously.

Which is why, when Vertical Limit came out, I averted my eyes as quickly as possible and allowed whatever psychologists call that defensive response to erase it from my memory.

Now I live in the flatlands. And it came by on HDNet, and I decided; "Hey, it can't be THAT bad. And I used to think Robin Tunney was kinda hot. And there's Paxton. And it can't be THAT bad."
It's amazing what out minds will trick us into.
I'll hereafter refer to films of this ilk as a "Pooh movies". Not because of their resemblance to offal, but because they are made for bears of very little brain.
This film is a thrill ride. The plot, and we'll be generous by using that term, is not designed to tell a story, but rather to provide a thin foundation loaded with pitfalls into which we can fling our characters to watch them wriggle out. It's all about cramming as many terminal catastrophes as non-sensibly possible into two hours, while tidying up every dangling thread neatly and predictably.
There is no character development here. Caricatures are simply popped from their sealed blister packs right into the scene, where they proceed to rant or whisper in appropriate fashion so that we don't mistake them for substantial representations of humanity. Occasionally they may actually do or say something unexpected; generally to get a laugh or create a calamity.
The technical details of the film are simply appalling. It's uncanny how much resemblance nitroglycerin has to antifreeze. And the way it only becomes unstable when the pace of the film dictates. The climbing is generally ludicrous, and though tempted to go into detail, I'll just say that the basic technical and philosophic details are present, but so hyperbolized as to become unrecognizable.. There are problems with the military, medicine, electromagnetism, physics, and the list goes on. I'm not adverse to suspending my disbelief, but having it torn from me, rent to shreds, set on fire and the ashes handed back is asking a bit much.
All that ranting aside. This film is a thrill ride. If you can bring yourself to not care about anything but the action, there's plenty of that. There's avalanches, and explosions, and long falls, and hanging from precipices, and the list goes on. Someone is constantly in danger. Though unbelievable, their plights are no less than thrilling. The body count is high. The right people live, and the wrong people die. It's a master work of predictability, all tied up in a very pretty package.
And pretty it is. The camera work is very good, especially on location, whose vistas lend themselves well. There's a cleanliness and simplicity to the outdoor footage that's inspiring. The shot choices are generally excellent and edited to great effect. The studio shots are much less inspiring, though serviceable. There's some really pointless and very bad CGI as well. But there's some really decent visual sensibility here, and it's a shame it gets so caught up in the avalanche.
And the last word? Wow. If you actually read this far, you'll want to pass; but I'm sure you know someone to whom you can recommend it.
The Good: Sometimes visually interesting and stimulating
The Bad: Hurts my brain
The Ugly: Everything but the pretty pictures